Hello, my name's Paul and it's been a month since my last breakdown.

Hello, all welcome back. If this is your first time reading my blog then you might get a bit confused as the very next thing I'm going to do is reference a previous entry. Namely the one from August 24th, "and it all came tumbling down" when I described a minor, possibly not so minor break down I was experiencing and how my life appeared to be crumbling around me.

I also mentioned that I was going to try and build my self back up from the inside out. Using a variety of tools, some old and familiar, some new and shiney, I've been doing that now for a little over a month and I just wanted to update the blog as to how I've been getting on.

To be honest it's going very well. In a painful, ego kicked in the teeth, unflattering self realisation kind of way.

First off what have I been getting up to in the wonderful world of self discovery. The old comfy techniques I've been rediscovering are Tai Chi, Chi Gung and meditation. I've always read voraciously, but over the past month my reading habits have changed away from the technical world of engineering and maths to the more esoteric landscape of philosophy, even some religious texts. No, I'm not converting. I don't believe in your god or gods, but I'm open enough to realise that there's some good advice hidden in the texts (sometimes very well hidden). I'll make the same deal I always do, If you don't pick on my beliefs I won't pick on yours. If you want an open friendly discussion of beliefs then get in touch, I'm more than happy. I digress. Sorry.

Of these old shoe techniques the common thread is moving meditation. I've always loved it. I've always benefited from it. I wish I'd never stopped. It used to be that the perfect form of meditation for me was the kata. While and practising Bassai-Dai in particular I was always at the most wonderful place. Centred. I'm still not ready for karate but I have found that with the right outlook running can become a wonderful way to meditate. I tested this theory to the limits recently with my first marathon and learnt a lot about my self. I've been resting since but I can't wait to start again.

New techniques have involved a number of self development "tricks" from a few different books and the interwebs from a few different gurus and enlightened types. These have each played parts in various degrees but the new tool that has helped the most has been Holosync, and it's Holosync that I'd like to talk about for a bit now from my beginners perspective.

Holosync worried me at first, before I'd tried it, because it uses some of the same terminology and phrases as cults. There's things like "levels" and an "inner circle" and it costs a lot of money. This all does not bode well with my cynical, sceptical side. However, I saw it working in someone. With remarkable results, in a very short timeframe. Then I talked to other people who'd used it and they all said much the same thing. "It kicks you in the teeth but mostly it works for the best.".

So I researched some more. I learned about the technology behind it. Holosync is a technology, pure and simple. In a basic sense it uses sounds to stress the brain so that it gradually becomes more capable of coping. There's more to it than that but I won't go into it here. But I recognised it for what it was. Holosync is a tool. Nothing more. Nothing less. Moreover it seemed to be a tool that worked in the vast majority of cases.

Then I tried it. There's a free introduction cd with a basic baby steps lite version of the sounds on there. It made me feel good, better than good. I felt euphoric. I wanted more. I ordered the first level. This costs. It's not cheap. However there is a money back guarantee for up to a year so I figured what the hell. Most accounts tell of a deep euphoria coming with this Prologue version as well when you start it. It really didn't work like that for me. I was in agony for the first two weeks. Splitting headaches were the least of it, but I persevered. And it got better. Over the month it was sometimes even pleasant. Mostly though I stuck with it because it was working. I've discovered some nasty things about myself in only a month. Holosync hasn't done this on it's own but it's certainly helped. I suppose fixing them comes next.

I think I'll leave sharing my newly found issues for another post though.